Addicted
by Kitty Black Cat
Summary: Ginny character fic inspired by Kelly Clarkson's addicted. It's how Ginny is dealing (or not dealing) with what happened with Tom Riddle in her first year. (Bad summary I know, sorry)


**Disclaimer:** Don't own Harry Potter. If I did, a couple of things would be different, but that's why fanfics exist! Although realistically speaking, I would be the kind of author to write fanfics about her own work!

 **Author's note** : Have you ever written a fic and then completely forgot it existed? I didn't think it could be possible but it happened to me with this one. 2010 is when I wrote this! I completely forgot this existed. It's crazy! (but then again 2010 was a really, really bad year for me so I guess that's why) Anyway, I hope you enjoy! And sorry for the people who are waiting for me to update one of my other fics. I can't really decide where the inspiration goes and when it comes at all.

Oh and **listen to Addicted by Kelly Clarkson** before or while reading this for maximum experience (it's what inspired this in the first place; that's why I had put the lyrics of the some at the end of it and decided to keep them there.)

 **Addicted**

When Ginny was a little girl, she dreamed of handsome princes and beautiful castles and happy endings such as only children can imagine. She thought of love as beautiful and simple: candy hearts and bouquets of flowers. For a while, she wanted her happy ending to be with the famous Harry Potter. Unfortunately, contrary to popular belief, that didn't last more than a year; her brother Ron's first year. It didn't last much longer than that because as she prepared to enter into her first year at Hogwarts, Ginny met another dark haired boy much different from the previous one. Oh he seemed like a hero from a fairytale just the same. He was tall, dark and handsome and he was always there for her in a way nobody else was. It was like he truly cared about her. He listened to all her troubles and complaints and it never bothered him, unlike her brothers. He was always offering advice and tips and she lapped it up. She simply loved him.

Ginny used to think love was simple: butterflies in the stomach and happiness. Standing now in front of her mirror, looking at her dishevelled self after one more dream of him, she thought otherwise. How can something that one seemed so beautiful and such a precious gift become such a curse? Love wasn't simple. Love wasn't happy. Love was this beast that rose in your stomach, twisted in your gut, tearing you apart. Love was being unable to breathe just one more second while your loved one was away. It was dark and painful and left you wanting more. It was like a drug, an addiction. As her first year progressed, Ginny had become more and more dependent on Tom. She had stopped talking to anyone else because, really, she only needed him. And needing him she did….a lot. She needed him to get through her days. The few times when Tom was crossed with her and refused to talk to her, she felt as if she could die of pain. The idea of ever being separated from her Tom was heart wrenching. No, she needed him like she needed to breathe. Years later, looking back on her first year, she realised that there were many signs of Tom's involvement in the chamber incident; she should have realised sooner that something was wrong. But she hadn't. Not because she was stupid like some people thought but simply because acknowledging those little pieces of evidence would mean having to separate herself from Tom and that would be the end of her world. Without him she would, after all, become all alone. And how do you live alone when you put your entire self completely in the hands of another? At ten, if someone had asked her who had the power in a love relationship, Ginny would have answered that power didn't have its place in love. She would have believed in equality. Reality was, however, much different. She knows now that Tom had all the power, and not because he took it, no, if that was the case things would be easier; if that was the case, everything would be his fault. But the truth was, she was the one who gave him all this power over her. She let him lead her, control her. And now she still paid the price for it.

When Harry rescued her from the chamber and her parents brought her to the infirmary, everyone thought it was over. Everyone thought it was finished and she would heal from it with their help. It didn't work like that. She had tried quitting Tom. She had. She had thrown away her precious diary and had run for it. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, she couldn't stop wondering what Tom now thought of her, if she had hurt him, if he thought she didn't love him anymore. Her hands were always shaking, starting to write 'Dear Tom' in her books when she wasn't paying attention. It scared her. It scared her that everywhere she went, she felt like he was looking at her, accusing her of abandoning him just like everyone else had. She swore she could hear his voice inside her head, commenting on things. Soon, she couldn't take it anymore. The urge to be near him won out and she went into the boys' dormitory in search of him. In the end, she hadn't been able to deal with their separation. And years later, she still couldn't.

She was now in fifth year. Her first year to everyone around her had faded away into a distant memory while for her, it was a constant presence haunting her every day life. She could still hear his voice commenting on things. She knew it wasn't real; it wasn't him. It was her and yet she couldn't stop it. She couldn't stop hearing his voice nor stop thinking about what he would think of her actions. Would he approve? Disapprove? She hated herself for these thoughts and yet could do nothing against them, nor against the urge to do as Tom would prefer. It was like she wasn't herself anymore. She had come to Hogwarts as the Weasley's Ginny and had left after first year as _his_ Ginevra. She belonged to him, not to herself. She couldn't stop the dreams either. Every week, she would dream of him. Her subconscious would come out with entire conversations with dream Tom and she would wake up breathless, feeling a huge void where her heart used to be. It seemed the only thing that could appease her pain a little was writing to him. He was dead and the diary destroyed but to this day still, she wrote him letters. In second year, she had told herself to stop for if she didn't stop it now, nip it in the bud, she feared that she would never be able to stop. And she had stopped. Multiple times. She told herself _'Just one more time. It's just today was really bad.'_ It was normal that she needed someone to talk to and she didn't feel like bothering her brothers. Because to them, her trying to talk about her issues with them was bothersome. Beside, she wasn't writing to the diary; how wrong could it be? And so she had continued and the craving she felt for Tom had never stopped and the despair she felt at being separated from him had simply grown.

Ginny used to think love was beautiful and happy and wished to find her one true love. Now she truly wished she had never known what love was.

 _It's like you're a drug  
It's like you're a demon I can't face down  
It's like I'm stuck_

 _It's like I'm running from you all the time  
And I know I let you have all the power  
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around  
It's like you're a leech  
Sucking the life from me  
It's like I can't breathe  
Without you inside of me  
And I know I let you have all the power  
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time  
_ _ **Chorus**_ _  
It's like I can't breathe  
It's like I can't see anything  
Nothing but you  
I'm addicted to you  
It's like I can't think  
Without you interrupting me  
In my thoughts  
In my dreams  
You've taken over me  
It's like I'm not me  
It's like I'm not me_

It's like I'm lost  
It's like I'm giving up slowly  
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me  
Leave me alone  
And I know these voices in my head  
Are mine alone  
And I know I'll never change my ways  
If I don't give you up now

 _ **Chorus (see before)**_ _  
I'm hooked on you  
I need a fix  
I can't take it  
Just one more hit  
I promise I can deal with it  
I'll handle it, quit it  
Just one more time, Then that's it  
Just a little bit more to get me through this  
I'm hooked on you (2x)  
_ _ **Chorus**_


End file.
